While I agree we shouldn't sugar-coat, telling men that they "shouldn't have had this in the first place" sets the conversation up as a stand-off. Most men will feel defensive at the "should" - and in many cases, discussion (and with it, agreement and collaboration) is more difficult. At the end of the day, we need men to agree that there should be more women in the boardroom, no gender pay gap, no street harrassment etc, and we can't do it on our own. It's still a patriarchy; they are still the decision-makers.